ISANG PAGTATANGKA NA PAGNILAYAN ANG SIPI NG TALUMPATI NG ISANG TIPIKAL NA TRAPO

“Kung ako lamang ang naka-darama ng masasakit na batikos at akusasyon, ay maaring makayanan ko pang dalhin.

Ngunit sa sandaling nakikita ko ang aking asawa, ang aking nagmamahal na magulang, at ang aking mga kapatid, kaibigan at mga kapanalig…damang dama ko rin ang kanilang pagdaramdam. Ang hapdi at pait na kanilang dinaranas dahilan sa mga walang basehang paratang laban sa aking pagkatao at bilang isang halal na Senador.

Mahal ko ang aking tungkulin bilang isang Senador at isang lingkod bayan o public servant. Ito ang dahilan kung bakit sa loob ng mahigit sa apat na taon kong paglilingkod dito sa Senado, ay aking maipagma-malaki ang mga nagawa ko upang tumbasan ang tiwala at pagkakataong ibinigay ng taong bayan sa akin upang ako ay makapag-lingkod sa ating bansa.

Isang paglilingkod na aking maipagma-malaki na walang bahid dungis. Hindi ako umabuso o nagpayaman sa aking katungkulan. Hindi ako nagkaroon ng maraming bodyguard o “back up” o gumamit ng anumang ‘wang wang’ kahit noong ako ay Kongresista pa lamang. Sa madaling salita, hindi pa man sinabi ng Pangulong Aquino ang sikat na salitang “Walang Wang-Wang”- iyan ay bahagi na ng aking panuntunan bilang isang lingkod bayan sa ating bansa.”

Aminado akong hindi ko na tinapos pang basahin ang kabuuan ng sipi ng talumpati na binigkas ng dating Senador Miguel Zubiri.. Dahil sa pakiramdam ko, ang bawat salitang nababasa ko ay taeng mas dumudungis lamang sa kamalayan ng bawat Pilipino.Para saan pang sinimulan at itinuloy niya ang pakikipagtunggali para sa pagkamit ng pwesto sa senado kung sa bandang huli ay magbibitiw din siya para umano pabulaanan ang lahat ng mga paratang na dumungis sa kanyang dangal at nakakapagpahirap ng kalooban ng mga minamahal niya sa buhay? Hindi pa ba naman nasanay ang kanyang pamilya sa sari-saring pamumulitika na talamak sa Pilipinas sa loob ng ayon nga sa kanya ay halos 30 taon ng panunugkulan?

Parang mas mali ata ang ginawa niyang pagbibitiw kung tunay na malinis ang kunsensya niya sa mga bagay na ipinaparatang sa kaniya. Sa palagay ba talaga niya ay matatapos ang mga pag-uusap tungkol sa kanya hinggil sa dayaan sa eleksyon kapag tuluyan na siyang nagbitiw sa tungkulin? May naresolba ba ang ginawa niyang pagbibitiw o mas naging daan pa ba ito sa higit na mas malalim na pagdududang susugat pa sa damdamin ng kanyang pamilya?

Hindi kaya nagbitiw siya dahil sa lumalabas na ang mas maramig baho na pilit na ikinukubli ng nagdaang administrasyon? Hindi kaya nagbitiw siya upang isalba ang sarili sa abot-abot na kamalasang dumadating sa mga unti-unti ay naglilitawang mga palalo at pasaway na mga naglilideran sa gobyerno?

Tila ang ginawa niyang pagbibitiw ay isang mukha lamang ng pagtakas sa kahihiyan at lumulutang na katotohanan katulad ng pagpapatiwakal ni Angelo Reyes.

” But let me just emphasize to my detractors, as I paraphrase a quote from General Douglas Macarthur that: I am not actually retreating; I am merely advancing in another direction.”

Iniisip ba niya na kung mapatunayan na may kinalaman siya sa dayaan noong nakaaang eleksyon ay mapapatawad siya ng taong-bayan dahil sa pagpapakadakila niyang pagbibitw sa tungkulin? Hindi ko ugaling maging mapagmatyag at maging mapanipi sa mga usaping pulitikal. Pero lubos talaga akong napapaisip sa kung ano ang maaring mas malalim na dahilan sa ginawa niyang pagbibitiw…Maaring ito ay isa lamang sa mga pangunahin niyang hakbang tungo sa pagkamit ng mas mataas na pwesto sa gobyerno… Maaring umaasa siyang magiging positibo ang pananaw ng mga Pilipino sa kanyang ginawa at makakakuha siya ng mas malaking tiwala sa susunod na eleskyon. Maaring sa susunod na pagtakbo niya sa alin mng posisyon sa gobyerno na maibigan niya ay di na niya kakailanganing mandaya ulit.. Ganoo nga kaya iyon?

Nilalamon na ng antok ang kakayahan kong bigyan ng mas malalim na lohika ang pagbibitiw niya sa Senado kanina… ang malinaw na natira lang na tumatakbo sa isip ko ngayon ay ang realidad na wala pa din konkretong katauhan ang katotohan at walang naresolbang anu man ang pagbibitiw niya dahil pinanindigan niyang inosente siya sa mga naganap (di magkatugma) na nag-iwan lamang ng mas maraming tanong at palaisipan sa masa ang lahat.

SA KABILANG BANDA, MARAHIL NGA AY TAMA NA DIN ANG GINAWA NIYANG

PAGBiBITIW SA TUNGKULIN. DAHIL PINATUNAYAN LAMANG NIYA, SA PAMAMAGITAN NG MGA DAHILANG KANYANG NABANGGIT, NA WALA TALAGA SA MASA, SA BAYAN, SA PILIPINAS ANG KANYANG PUSO AT PAGMAMALASAKIT.PINATUNAYAN NIYANG HINDI NANANAHAN SA KANYANG PUSO ANG ALAB NG PAG-IBG SA BAYAN AT WALA SIYANG PANINDIGAN NA IPAGLABAN ANG SINASABI NIYANG KALINISAN NG KONSENSYA AT KATOTOHANAN. DAHIL HIGIT SA PAGLILINGKOD SA KAPWA PILIPINO, MAS INUNA NIYANG SAGIPIN ANG SARILING KAHIHIYAN AT MAS INUNA NIYANG ISIPIN ANG KAPAKANAN NG KANYANG NAGDARAMDAM NA PAMILYA.

MGA BAGAY NA PARA SA AKIN AY MABABAW NA DAHILAN UPANG MAKAPAGPABITIW SA TAONG WAGAS AT DALISAY ANG PAGNANAIS NA MAGSILBI SA BAYAN AT MAY MALINIS NA KONSENSYANG HINDI MAAPEKTUHAN NANG MADUMING PAMUMULITIKA AT ANO MANG PANINIRA NA SA KANYA AY IHAHATAG.

ANG ELBI AT ANG KAGUBATAN NG WALANG HANGGANG KARUNUNGAN

“Saan ka nagtapos?” Yan ang tanong sa akin sa job interview ng dati kong boss.

“Sa UPLB po.” Matipid ngunit buong pagmamalaki kong sagot.

“Ah..taga-bundok ka pala eh. Baka manibago ka at maligaw dito sa Manila? Marunong ka ba gumamit ng laptop? O ngayon ka lang nakakita ng ganito?” Yan naman ang mahaba at mayabang niyan itinugon.

Hindi ko na maalala kung ano ang isinagot ko sa sinabi niyang iyon. Pero natatandaan ko na di ko noon malaman kung matatawa ba ako o maiinis sa kayabangan at kamangmangan na mayroon siya.

Pero marahil nga ay tama siya. Dahil para sa akin, ang elbi ay hindi lang literal na nasa paanan ng bundok Makiling. Dahil ito ay isang malawak na kagubatan kung saan nagsasanga ang mayayabong na kaisipan at kaalaman ng bawat mag-aaral. Kaalaman na mas lalo pang pina-igting at inaruga ng mga batikan na propesor na ilang ulit nang nakapasok at nakalabas sa mga masusukal na kagubatan, sa gitna ng pusod ng iba’t-ibang larangan ng karunungan.

Dahil sa elbi, ang bawat pagliko, pag-ikot at pag-usad ay may kaakibat na kaukulang pala-isipan na malalampasan lamang ng mga karapat-dapat. At karadapat-dapat ka lamang kung mayroon kang sapat na tiwala sa sarili, tapang at talino upang gumawa ng mga di pangkarinawan na diskarte.

Dahil sa elbi, katulad ng iba pang mga kagubatan, ay naglipana din ang mga mababangis na hayop na nagkukubli sa likod ng mga nagsusulputang makabagong libangan, mga bisyo, bars na nagpapakawala ng mahahaliparot na musika at nanunuksong magpakalasing ka, iba’t-ibang uri ng mga organisasyon, at kung minsan, ay ang mismong mga teroristang propesor na kung magpa-recite at magpa-exam ay parang di na daratnan ng kinabukasan…Sila ang mga tinaguriang ubod ng bagsik na mga hayop na susukat sa kakayahan mong maging mas superyor sa kanila upang mapaglabanan at pagsumikapang ubusin ang bawat takot na maaari mong maramdaman… Hanggang sa tuluyan mo silang magapi at huwag nang maging balakid pa sa iyong mga plano.

Dito din sa elbi ang madalas na tambayan ni Taning kung saan siya nagliliwaliw tuwing panahon ng “hellweek”… kung saan regular na pangitain tuwing matatapos ang bawat sem ang pagbabanta at pananakot ng mga grado na kinabibilangan ng incomplete, kwatro (o kwarto ng mga iilan na talipandas at mapagsamantalang mga buwitre), at ng pinakamabagsik na hagupit ng singko.

Sa elbi lang din mayroong mga hinihingal na estudyanteng iniiwasan ang removal at final exams habang pinagpapagurang masungkit ang uno at mga katropa nito…

Dahil sa mga nailahad ko dito, OO.. Uulit-ulitin kong ipagmalaki na nanggaling ako sa masukal na kagubatang nilikaha ng sala-salabat na ideya, paniniwala, kakayahan at talino. Aminado din ako na sa ilang taon na inalagi ko sa kagubatan ng elbi ay di lang ako minsang naligaw, nadapa at nagalusan ng mga matatalim na talahib at matitinik na mga halamang naglipana sa kaibuturan nito.. Kung saan ang bawat hapdi at kirot na dulot ng mga galos ay katumbas ng mas madaming pagkatuto..

Nagawa kong makalabas mula sa kasukalan nito at natutunan kong taludturin ang kinaroroonan ng mapusok na lungsod gamit ang bawat pagkatuto mula sa mga sarili kong karanasan nang hindi kumakapit at nanggagamit ng sino man. At kahit saan pa ako mapadpad, parati kong bitbit ang mga tradisyon at aral na nagmula sa elbi…

Bakit ako makakaramdam ng takot na makipagsabayan at minsanang maligaw at muling matuto sa gitna ng isang lungsod na kung saan, sa simula pa lamang ng aking paglalakbay ay nabatid ko nang mas marami ang namumuhay na mangmang at nagdudunung-dunungan lamang?

A FORBIDDEN LOVE AFFAIR: THE GARFIELD BAUSAS LOVE STORY

It was a bright day but my loneliness echoes through my wails…. I am only a few months old (although for my kind, a month might already be equal to a couple of earth years), yet they already decided to take me and my sibling away from our mom.

That was a long journey…I was so sad on our way to the office, where the different persons to take care of us were working. My sister, on the other hand, appears to be excited about everything…and I can’t understand her why. We were taken away from our mom.. Then a few hours later, we too, will be spending the rest of our lives apart… how can she be glad about that?

In the office, I was perplexed at first and was not really expecting all the attention of almost everyone who saw us there.. They were touching us, caressing us, and telling us how cute we were. It seems like everyone wants to take us home and care for us. It somehow made me feel a bit at ease and helped me shun the sorrow that I feel inside. I had been away from my mom for a few hours and I am really longing for someone to cuddle me and keep me warm.

But I don’t want to just go home with anyone.. I want someone with a good heart… someone who is capable of treating me right and who can make me feel special. Someone whom I can look up to and depend on, but who will not looked and stepped down on me just because we are not of the same kind.

I know the right one is just here. I can feel him around. And I am praying fervently that he can feel me too. I am wishing that he too, can hear my heart throbs… Then suddenly I heard a very funny voice that talks animatedly….and it’s coming towards me…. Until finally, a pair of little hands lifted me up and held me so close to his own heart. And I feel mine beat in sync with his and then he said: “You’re such a cute thing! How I wish you are mine…” then silence followed. Everyone around me, including him are still talking and laughing at each other. But my world seems to be lost in that moment. “What did he mean when he said I was not his?”

The clock ticks and another day is finally coming towards the end… I’ve heard from everyone that pass by that the person who is supposed to take me home was not around. And I am wishing to either go back to my mom, or to be taken by the man whom I felt that inexplicable feeling with just the sound of his voice.

The moment seems endless, until finally, a decision has been made. Maybe the Gods and the Goddesses has searched my heart and find the longing I have for him inside that they decided to grant my only wish at that moment.

And so we went home together. The place where he dwells may not be as expensive and as vast as the place where I came from. But it feels home like no other.

Each day that pass was just proof that my thoughts were right about him. He was so caring, so thoughtful and so affectionate. He never let me starve and as much as he could, he buys me food that I doubt, have tasted by most of my kind. He makes sure that each meal is a sumptuous meal for me. He even allows me to have a share of what he eats. He provides me with a comfortable place where I can sleep well and rest all day. He sometimes sleep so late spending the night playing with me or just cuddling me close to his heart, as he did the first time. Yet every morning, he wakes up too early so that I can attend to my personal needs. He talks about me with his friends and I can sense just how proud he is of me…

At first I wasn’t certain about my feelings for him. But it doesn’t have to take really long to figure it all out.. I am in love… and I was torn between wishing that he feels the same way and being against the feeling since I am aware that we are not of the same kind…

Until one day, his words took me by surprise. He asked me to marry him. I was really shocked and unsure if I heard him said the right thing or was he just practicing on me since I am very much aware too that his friends are teasing him with the girl who lives just across our home.

I looked in his eyes and I felt all the sincerity in his words.. I don’t have to think twice.. This don’t need to take long and I don’t really have to think about it too much.. Right there and then, I accepted his proposal… Just a few days later, with the help of his friend, we got married.

It haven’t been a year since we first met and we’re already married. We love each other and I don’t care if a lot of his kind or my kind will call me a bitch for a decision I hastily made. Yeah, right… I am a bitch… a real one…because I am a female dog who fell in love and is being loved by an ordinary man….

INSPIRED LANG SA OVER NA SWEETNESS NI MIKE BAUSAS SA ASO NIYA.. HAHAHA >_<

IS IT HARD?

Is it hard?

A friend once asked me, referring to my situation being a member of a broken home. Oftentimes, I just give the question a cold shrug as I don’t really put much thought about it, until recently after spending another weekend at my boyfriend’s home in Nueva Ecija.

I caught myself staring at the plaques that are proudly hanging on their wall. “Family of the Year” both plaque says. Four words that melted my indifference towards the subject and made me asked myself, Is it hard?



I don’t quite know how to put my thoughts into words. And so I ended up listing the difference of his family with mine.

My boyfriend is lucky to have both parents who stand firm by their wedding vows. Whether or not they are still bounded by love, the fact that they are still together after almost two decades of marriage is already something that I find astonishing enough. They are gifted with seven children, and the love and caring that each children received (whether equally or not) from their parents manifest in their refined characters.

On the other hand, my parents who after countless times of separating and being together again and can no longer endure pretending to get along well after almost 20 years of marriage, had decided to part ways for the better. Every now and then, the picture of them fighting over some recurring arguments over the years has been my constant childhood memory.

I don’t see any signs that my boyfriend’s mother is cursing or scowling at them and calling them filthy names attributed to their father’s clan. And I doubt it too if his father ever hurt and abused them or his wife physically. And if his father had remained faithful and did not cheat even once to his wife is something that I’d rather not ponder on. (Maybe for the fear that if his father, being a good man that he is, was able to commit it once, there will be a fat chance of my boyfriend, inheriting the same sin in the future).

On the other hand, my mom’s nagging is the best alarm in the world that you can find. She also has a rich vocabulary of curses (which I am happy I did not learn). Both my parents are neither musicians nor magicians, but they can turn almost everything in our house into “musical instruments” (blag, boom, pak, krrrrssssshhhh) while both of them are screaming on the top of their voices. At a very young age, I have learned and became aware that no matter how holy the matrimony is, it can never be an assurance for the husband’s fidelity.

My boyfriend once told me that her mother used to be a plain housewife who looks after their every need. From the stories that her mother told me, it is quite obvious that she has also been her children’s first teacher.

On my side, it was either my lola who attends the PTA meeting for me, or I go home with a note with me wherein the highlights of the meeting is written. When I am to compete for a quiz or oratorical contest, my mom is sure to review and train her students first before me. The same goes with my father. He even wrote the same oratorical piece for me and his student reasoning that we are competing at different district levels. It’s good that both of us landed second on our respective districts, else we’ll end up fighting for the ownership of the piece at the division level.

Theirs was a humble home, big enough to give shelter to a family with 9 members. And for the times that I went home with him, I witness how close they really are. I do not know if the case is always like that, but then, they made me feel like a new born child finding comfort through the warmth of their home.

Ours isn’t really spacious at all, but the distant treatment towards one another and the absence of one member, feels like there’s so much room to house the iciness and loneliness in each hearts. There’s no place like home, they say, but for me, the place is just a house wherein I find comfort and warmth from my own bed, my pillow, my blanket and the stories I read from my books. Lately, I had even lost the eagerness to come home and spend the weekend since my two youngest siblings had developed the habit of spending theirs at my father’s home. Nobody wants to go “home” in an empty place and spend the weekend alone.

Again, I reckon…Is it hard?



I have been living this way since I first heard my own thoughts… and this has been a normal life for me. If it was changed half-way maybe that would make it difficult to live.

If the events in my life had been smooth and perfect, there’s no way for me to learn and appreciate the kind of family my boyfriend has.

Despite the circumstances, I had been good in my studies. I graduated from a prestigious University, landed on a job (although far from what I really want to have and do) where I learned many things and honed the skills I lately realized I have.

I am cold and distant towards others often times. I am contented to just stay within my comfort zones never letting my guard down. I am feeling awkward and may prefer being alone than let others meddle with my life. But that’s just the way I am. That’s what I am used to do. One thing I’ve learned from the coldness in my family is to be independent enough to deal with my own fears and difficulties. And I am proud of it.

When the times are hard and I get wounded by other people’s biased judgments, I did not opt to mingle with the wrong people and engaged in doing the wrong things. When gossips are being talked about in my presence, I have learned to just shrug it off knowing that the world was never fair to anyone. After all, none of the people who talked rudely of my family is living a holy life.

I eat three times a day. I still find time to go out and treat myself with some of the many things that life has to offer. I laugh. I play. I enjoy life just like my “normal” friends do. I feel left-out at times when they talk about their families, but then I am still thankful that I still have people to call my family, although mine is not the same with everyone else.

And out of the many people living in this world, even if most of the people that I am very close with have an almost perfect family, I know that I am not the only one that came from a broken home (I have my siblings to start with).

There are many others, who in my opinion are living a much difficult life than mine. So why do I bother living mine the way I am living it now?

For the last time, let me conclude… is it hard?



No it’s not. It’s just different from the rest of the world.