hear my random thoughts.... they are the echoes of my screaming soul...

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Tito Sen and the RH Bill

Dear Tito Sen,

I hope you do realized that Margaret Sanger's idea of advocating birth control to support the idea of eugenics is already as old as you are. In addition, the idea of eugenics (negative) is that the reproduction of the unfit, the mentally challenged and the inferior will be prohibited so that only the superior genes will be reproduced.

I think it is clearly stated in the RH Bill that there shall be freedom of choice. It is also stated in Section 2 that "there shall be no discrimination against any person on grounds of sex, age, religion, sexual orientation, disabilities, political affiliation and ethnicity".

I have read the bill many times and I don't think it mentioned anything like oppressing the poor or discriminating the mentally challenged or prohibiting the reproduction of anyone because of his color, race, or economic status.

I also think that although artificial insemination may also be covered under the RH Bill, the idea of eugenics is maybe more appropriate in it than in the general provision/goal of the RH Bill as a whole. But then again, if people will choose to reproduce thru AI, that's their right and their choice and they can just go ahead and do it with or without the RH Bill.

Lastly, I think, to avoid being misinformed, maybe you should not only rely on hearsays and on what your political advisers and researchers feed you. Maybe you should also try to read and understand previous articles and related case studies on population ecology, reproductive health, sustainable economy, contraceptives, eugenics,etc.

Just saying... :)

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

ANSABEH NI EX? (25 thigs about me according to him)

Someone whom I knew for only 2 months thought and assumed that these are the things that could make me happy and texted all these to Nani. Both of us just laughed at this at that time knowing that we can last for years even without this. Some of the things here are true, while the others ...uh, no, definitely not me! Nani let me keep the note though and often times refer to this whenever he wants to "bully" me XP

I saw the note today at the back of a book and I thought I'd re-write and somehow do some corrections on it :)

*I put here his ORIGINAL and UNEDITED version while the bold and italized texts is how things (really) are, specifically with Nani*

1. Let her talk. She always claim that she is timid but let her talk and start to listen and you wll think you were a part of the adventure because she talks in detail.(WE both talk one at a time and WE both listen one at a time too.. I guess normal people refers to that as having conversations? And there's no need for me to make Nani feel that he's included in it, because he's really there when most of the things that we talk about happened)

2.Give her a rose. It is her dream to receive a rose from a man she loves.(Just thought about it now...We have been together for 26 months now and I haven't received any flower from Nani yet. But guess what, I am ok with it!)

3.Aways send her SMS. No matter how unimportant the content of your message, it will make her smile. (Definitely a no! I don't even text often...and If I do, it's only for me to make sure if Nani is safe. But as to what he is doing, or who are the people that he's going out with? No I don't ask that.. He voluntarily introduced me to his friends and he always let me know in advance what his plans are (whether its about his work or if he's going out with his friends. So why would I bug him about the details when I already know he's busy or having fun?)

4.Always tell her that you love her. She will always ask you why so make a list of reasons. You can recycle or paraphrase your previous reasons. She just want to hear from you that you love her. (Again wrong... I only asked Nani once.. I don't even remember his reasons now..I know he can be trusted, so why would I ask him about it every time? And one more thing, I am not a retard. So why would I want to hear recycled reasons everytime I ask?)

5.Talk and plan for your future wedding. She is a nature lover so plan your wedding so that it will be located where there are trees. Don't worry how to do it or think of the budget because she is willing to adjust. She is happy and satisfied as long as you are his husband.(As long as Nani is my husband.)

6.Name your future babies together. Don't include your ex gf's in your future baby's name.(Oh yeah, we do this sort of thing to amuse ourselves...most of the time...and since we're only having fun, no we don't mind if it's a combination of Nani's name and of his ex's... Sometimes I am even convinced that the resulting name is beautiful. But then, again I know that nani is not insensitive and knows his limitations if the time comes that we will be naming our future babies, for real!)

7.Don't tell the truth. Don't admit that your legs are shaking in front of her mom. Not because you want to look macho but it will make her comfortable to bring you again in their house.(No need for this advice. Nani is most welcome to stay and spend the weekends and the holidays with us. He even gained the trust of my lola who never trusted you.)

8.Always tell the truth except in number 7. Some of the things you will say will hurt her but it will gain her trust and she will also start to tell yoou everything. Telling her the truth will remove her fears and will make her more at ease with you.(Nani is an honest man...from the beginning till now. So there's no need for this advice)

9.Play with her younger brother. It will make you feel closer to their family. At the same time give her a glimpse of your future happy family together. (I think Nani naturally loves my little brother that everytime I come home without him, he always ask "Ate, where is kuya Nani?")

10.Read her paperworks. She is good writeer and thus encourage her to write more. Just forgive her handwriting. (Yes I am really a good writer, Thank You)
11.Make her realize that she is beautiful. She thinks that she is ugly because of some of her imperfections. Prove to her that she is beautiful inside and out. (Nani already did the moment he said he loves me).

12.Bring her to a place where she can sing because she has a beautiful voice. Or simple ask her to sing. Buy her musical stuffs if you have extra money, to encourage her more. (I can sing much better now even if he don't spend anything to buy me those stuff. Nani's music is already curved in my soul. Chos!)

13.Let her wear your shorts or shirts. It will make her feel closer to you. (At least this one is correct!)

14.Don't restraint or be hinder to anything she loves to do. She is very creative and will always do what she think is right. (Nani has always been supportive.)

15.Watch movie together. No matter how boring or cheesy the twilight series, she wil enjy it as long as you are together. (I really enjoy watching movies whether I am alone or with anyone. I sometimes get angry at Nani whenever he falls asleep at the middle of any movie that we see together, may it be in big screen or in his laptop...but in the end, I guess it's just fine with me...at least he came to see it with me. And it don't matter if it's drama, comedy, action or horror... I am just happy watching a movie. )

16.Eat at KFC. She loves twister. Actually she loves eating with you. (I really loved twister then, sorry! hmmm it's been such a long time since I last ate that.I might as well visit the nearest KFC store one of these days...)

17.Always bring water. She is always thirsty and want to drink water. So make sure you know the location of the cofort rooms of the places you re going to visit. (If I remember it right, this was written two summers ago...so yeah, definitely I was always thirsty at the time.)

18.Always ask what is her dream. Listening to her dreams will make her feel that she is important and at the same time you will gain knowledge on what is in her subconscious mind. (False. It works the other way around. Tell me your dream and If I am somewhere in it, I will know that I am important to you. On the other hand, I think Nani doesn't tell me about his dreams either...because he talks about his plans..our plans..)

19.Don't watch mix mrtial arts competitions or any violent stuffs together. She will remember the beatings that her fathe did to her. (Not applicable anymore).

20.Always call her by your endearment name. Don't call her sweetheart or honey. Make it unique. (Nani came up with Malko even without this note. And nope, again I don't mind if he calls me by my name or by our endearment name. What concerns me is how true his feelings are.)

21.Don't get irritated when she compares you to her previous bf/crushes.She does not have an intention to belittle you. She just want to realize that she loves you whoever you are. (No need for comparison. Nani is way much better.)

22.Fetch her at the bus terminal or bus stop even if you are busy doing important things or rushing paperworks that have deadlines the following day. (I am not always Nani's priority but he always make sure he can adjust his sched and attend to my needs after he' s done with his job. Or he always make it a point to inform me beforehand of his plans so that I can adjust to him as well. )

23.Spend the new year's eve with her family and go to the grocery store together and buy food for the medya noche. (yeah, for two years now, it has become a tradition for the both of us. We spend Christmas in Nueva Ecija and New Year in Laguna.)

24.Buy her a book or download ebooks for her. She loves to read. (Nani's mom and siblings are readers too and they let me borrow some of their books. We also go to bookstores whenever we are at the mall).

25.DON'T LEAVE HER FOR SOMEONE OR SOMETHING. (We've been together for 26 months...and as of this moment, I am secure and confident that he's not going to leave me for someone or something anytime soon. So thank you, but I guess this advice just don't apply. Nani is NOT like you. )

Nani's family is also not well off...and I am completely trusting him that no matter what, even if we get poorer than what we alreay are right now, he will never left me.


Maybe under your present situation, you'll say it's just an alibi that you just made up. No matter what, I will always believe that it was your real motive. Why? Because from what I remember, you said you were supposed to court and hopefully marry the daughter of your school's VP..(For your nanay to finally experience the luxury of life and to fulfill your own dreams) But I guess things didn't work out as you planned them... and maybe that's how you ended up (pretending good enough) head over heels with your current gf (who shouts money and world tour) who is obviously a much better pick..

it's just sad that she's so clueless..and I guess too submissive and (really) head over heels for you that she can't hardly see the trap you set for her...

I guess I'm out of words to say and I am not very good at praying but I am only hoping that God will save her from you. Because I think she's kind and deserves a better man than you are.


Monday, May 7, 2012


It’s May again…a month of numerous celebrations for most of the Filipinos…There’s the annual town fiestas, Flores de Mayo and other festivities that are usually being celebrated in this month.

Also celebrated during this month is the Mother’s Day, which in my opinion, is the least celebrated of all. Although there are already quite a number of advertisements as early as April saying that we should buy our mothers different presents, such as perfumes, jewelries, dresses and cakes, I don’t think that the day is really celebrated in the way that the commercials told us we should. I don’t think a lot of people are actually going out with their moms and surprise her with a beauty and spa treatment in a salon, or if a lot of husbands actually prepared candle-lit dinner dates with their wives…

Maybe it is not proper to assume anything, but honestly we don’t do any of these at home on Mother’s Day. Sometimes we greet her, other times, we don’t. And the day just goes on like any other normal days of our lives.

My mom isn’t a perfect mom (and I don’t think anyone’s mom is). She’s maybe even far from what the majority would call ideal. And my siblings will surely agree if I’ll mention even just this one trait that we all hate about her. Despite all of these, I still decided to blog about her, for a change, as a tribute to her. But because I am writing this because it’s Mother’s Day (her day), it doesn’t follow that everything that I am about to say here are all pretty and nice things. As I’ve said, she’s far from the ideal. And by using the ideal as a standard, I’m afraid there are not a lot of good things to say about mom.

Based from what I am always told, my mom and dad were still in college when they had me. It was my dad who shouldered her education expenses until she graduated from college. She then becomes an elementary school teacher… a tough one at that, before she became a school principal.

Because she’s a teacher, she made me read the alphabet and the abakada at age 3. She taught me how to read long sentences and paragraphs at about the same age too. By the time I reached 6, I was already in Grade 1 helping my other classmates to read on their own.

I can also recall those long hours we spent daily in front of the old 5, 10, 25 and 50 centavo coins along with the other peso bills. Since I still find it hard to add, subtract, multiply or divide at a young age, she made me remember each coins and bills according to its appearance. Then she’ll demonstrate how a piece of every peso coin is equivalent to 4 pieces of my favorite candy and if I only want to buy two candies with it, I should receive one 50 centavo coins or two pieces of 25 centavos, and so on.

Remembering this, I now realized why even if the shape and size of the coins and bills we use are changing, instead of doing the fifty minus eight-fifty math, I sometimes find it easier to count my change and my expenses in the same way. Like when I give a pink 50 peso bill as a jeepney fare, to check my change, I’ll count if I have two 20 peso bill , one piece of 1 peso coin and two pieces of 25 centavos, and so forth.

Unlike most mothers however, my mom also stopped helping me with my daily assignments from school the moment I passed Grade 1 . I don’t know if she trusts my intelligence too much that maybe she thought I have learned how I should study my lessons from the previous school year so maybe she can already left me alone with it. Maybe it’s also because she is a teacher and maybe she thought that the best way for me to learn is to learn on my own…from my own mistakes. Maybe the only wrong thing I can say about it is that she treated me as an adult at age 6 or 7 trying to instill in me the virtue of independence.

So that’s how I get through elementary, then high school then college. She told me that before asking her about something, I should make sure that I have tried doing many things just to find the answers on my own. She told me to use the books and read it thoroughly. She is a teacher and she knows that the answers are always there, just waiting for me to find them. And for those things that can’t be found in the books or from anywhere else, are sometimes the things that I should answer based on how I understood my lessons. Only when I don’t understand a thing clearly that I should finally ask.

True enough, I have learned to work my way through many obstacles in my life on my own…trying not to ask for anyone’s help. I thought for a long time that it’s wrong to ask questions and to ask for help. At most times, I find myself just thinking about the possible questions to ask and when to ask them, but never really get myself to actually saying it. And even until now, I find myself a burden and too weak whenever I am asking help from anyone apart from her, my siblings and my bf.

Mom is also undoubtedly a career woman. Often times (we think) she’s neglecting her obligations to us, just to deliver what is needed of her as an educator. She’s working even after the school hours are over. She’s even working on Saturdays and half of Sundays just to train her students for this and that competition. She spends many (over)nights with the staff of a publishing/printing house to make sure that their school paper will definitely land a place on the Top Ten. Even when we were little, we were used to her out of town trips/seminars/workshops and competitions that could sometimes last for a week. And by the time she came back, specifically from those District/Division/Provincial/Regional/National School Press Conferences, she’s sure to brag few of her new accomplishments and awards. We’re used to it. And personally, the long hour she spent away from us can sometimes makes me sad in the same way that the awards that she’s always taking home makes me happy for her.

I even remember this time, when I was in high school and I tried to join our school paper. In one of the workshops conducted, the schoolpaper adviser read a feature article I wrote then asked me how I am related to her (my mom). I don’t really know then if I have the talent or he just said I have inherited it from my mom upon learning how I am related to her. Nevertheless, I know the awards my mom took home from those conferences, and trusting the schoolpaper adviser’s skills and judgments, his complements had really made me proud of myself.

Now here’s her one trait that I said many will surely agree.
My mom is a nagger. And because she’s a nagger, she’ll surely complain if my siblings and I are not doing the household chores the way she told us to. And I hate it when she’s nagging while I am really about to do just everything that she’s telling me to. When I was younger, I swear I thought that the series of instructions that she’s giving me are too many that it seems to contradict her previous instructions.

And sometimes, I swear, even if I think I am doing it right, she’d still say I am doing it wrong. I don’t know. Maybe mom is a little bit of a perfectionist too that most of the time, every chores she assigned us to do ends up with her doing everything and telling us to leave her alone and stay away from where she is working.

Back then, I can always remember myself sulking at the end of the day, believing that I’ve done everything wrong. I don’t know If maybe I am just trying to justify my laziness, but I think I’ve also come to a point when I don’t want to respond anymore to any of her instructions believing that I can’t do it right anyway…thinking that I’ll just waste my time on it as she would surely do everything I did , her way again.

It took me a long time to accept that no matter how worse I think my mom is, she still knows best. I’ve proved that when I enter college and somehow live on my own.

It’s ironic that when she’s not around to nag and tell me what to do on most of my things, It was then that I’ve learned to keep my stuff in one place as I hear her voice repeatedly on my head…as if it was recorded since the very first day she instructed me how I should do some things and how to store my personal stuff.

And even now that I am working and renting an apartment with my officemates, when I see most of their things lying around in every corner of our place, I suddenly think of home and mom and how she used to remind me that I should learn how to store my things properly because one day, I will live with other people and they might not like my things lying around the room.

I think about mom and thought about hearing her voice telling me to lower mine whenever it’s too late and others are already in their beds.

I think about mom when I’m doing the dishes..when I’m doing my own laundry…when I’m ironing my clothes…when I am trying to cook my own food.

I think about mom and her voice echoes asking me if I am disposing it properly whenever I am throwing away the tissue or the cotton buds or whatever it is that I used personally.

I think about mom and now I understand why she doesn’t want to let us touch or use or go through most of her stuff without even asking for her permission (even if it’s just a pillow or a comb)… I understand her now why she don’t want our things to clatter with her things even if we are sharing the same house..Why she wants her things to be in one place and our things in another.

I think about her on my first heartbreak…how she endured the process she went through when our father left us. I think about how strong she was when she dealt with the pain and the loss in her own way… how she’s trying to continuously raise the four of us even without our dad… and I think about what she might tell me under those circumstances.

I wonder how will my mom react if she would pay me a visit and learn how I keep my things stored neatly in one place and how I usually act just the way she often told me to, yet at home, I am still bounded to commit the same mistakes that she repeatedly forbid me to do.

I see mom now in ways that I don’t understand before…She may not be affectionate, but I know she cares..She’s astute and an achiever and we surely inherited her genes (‘nuff said). She’s independent and sometimes a perfectionist but I know she only wants us to learn and do more good things in our lives

So whether the content of this article is good or bad in her opinion, for sure, parts of this will unleash the Grammar Nazi in her.. However, I am just happy and expecting her criticisms and nagging not because this is her day, but because I know my mother too well…

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


The title above is translated as “I am not kind. No person is kind.” It actually came from my sister’s profile in her facebook account.

Marami siguro ang magre-react sa title ng post na ito trying to justify their kindness. And I don’t see anything wrong with it if they reacted the way I am expecting most of them to react. Kasi ako, ganun din ang unang naging reaction ko. Love your own, sabi nga nila.

Paano nga ba nagiging mabait in the first place? Kapag ba faultless at halos perfect ka na? Kapag ba hindi ka sumusuway sa boss mo? Kapag tinutupad mo ang lahat ng kahilingan ng mga magulang mo? Is it being kind when you pretend to buy someone else’s story kahit parang conflicting na so as not to offend them? Or when you’re giving everyone in the world their expectations from you? Would that be too complicated? Given the standards above, fail na fail talaga ako sa papaging mabait.

Tahimik ako madalas at walang keber sa mga sinasabi ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Wala akong pakialam kahit nagkakagulo na sila as long as they don’t involve me with it. But it doesn’t mean na wala akong opinion sa mga pangyayari. I am only trying my best to be kind. Plastic siguro yon sa mata ng marami. Pero para sa akin, hindi kaplastikan yun kung indifferent naman ako sa sa taong yon in the same way na hindi ko pinansin ang mga narinig ko tungkol sa kanya. I try my best to be kind and shut the fuck up, but I don’t pretend to be kind to them. Magkaiba yon. Yung una, mas pinipili kong para silang hangin na dumadaan sa harap ko lalo na kung bad trip ako at affected/in doubt sa kung ano man ang narinig ko about them, kesa sa pangalawa na nagpapanggap na maayos ang lahat pero pag talikod nila, sagad hanggang buto ang lahat ng masamang bagay na kaya kong sabihin tungkol sa kanila. Yun ang pamamalastik. Or at least, sa definition ko, ganun yun.

I am not perfect. I am aware that not a lot of person is pleased with my I-don’t-give-a-damn attitude and many will perceived it as being selfish and self-centered, but that’s just the way I am. Yes I am cold and you probably won’t enjoy my company, but at least you’ll be assured that what you see is what you get. I’ll try to be good to you but I won’t pretend that I am faultless and behave in the way that you would expect me too. Hindi sa wala akong respeto. Gusto ko lang maging totoo sa nararamdaman ko. Ano bang mas preferred mo, magplastikan tayo? I sometimes walk out on people in the middle of an argument, not really caring how they would think of me. I won’t talk to anyone if I don’t feel like to. Life is too short to spend it thinking of ways to please them every time.

I won’t work my ass off just because the bosses are around and so I’ll get them impressed. I work because I feel like working and I am enjoying it. If I get too bored with it, unless it is urgent, I would set it aside for a moment to divert my attention to something else, like surfing the net, reading a chapter of the book or blogging. Oo, pasaway ako. I may not be a model employee but I don’t really care. Maybe those who are aspiring for a much higher position and aiming for more power over people are cursing me right now for wasting one golden opportunity. I won’t earn another or a higher degree jut to live up to other people’s expectation. Others may see it as lacking of dreams. On my part, this might be true for I had my one real dream fleeting and drifting off, not a long time ago.

Other than that, it would also be true to say that I have enjoyed my life for the past years and I don’t really care if I only find the need and feel the desire to pursue a degree now. At least I know that I am doing it because this is what I really want…or at least what I want for the moment. This is also why I’d rather choose to study when I am really ready and interested to learn, rather than to study before this certain time and memorized the things that would give me straight As on my card and Ahh later on from people that would be impressed with it.

I know more people were thinking that they are better than me just because they do and plan things in a much better way than I do. But would it be too naïve to assume as such, when there’s this possibility that I probably know more things that they could ever learn to memorize from a book? I’m telling you people, I am not really kind. And most of the time, I can’t hide my embarrassment and disappointment when the people I know brags about their achievement and belittle someone’s incapacity one moment, then fail to make a simple application of what they perfectly memorized from a book in another. I guess that’s because common sense are not being thought and discussed thoroughly in a book (fierce!).

I don’t know why but I am one of those few who don’t equate good memory with being a genius. Sabi nga ni Einstein, “Why should I memorize something I can so easily get from a book?” I am also turning twenty seven this year. Pero me and my boyfriend do not have a concrete plan yet on whether to settle down or to just continue on enjoying these things as we currently do. I love spending as much time as I can get with him. We watch movies together. I spend some time in their house with his family in as much as he spends time with my family as well on weekends.

Others may call me a bitch because I fell way too low on their naïve standards, and I don’t care. At least, even if my trip here on earth and my time spent with him will be cut off short tomorrow, I have lived a happy life and exceeded their judgments and expectations. To wrap things up, I am not trying to live a perfect life, for living such life would just be a far fetch dream. Pero hindi ko din naman masasabi na pariwara ang buhay ko ngayon.

I am just not following a certain path. Ang gulo na..Halo-halo na ang topic. Basta hindi ako mabait. Matino ako pero hindi ako mabait. I also have my flaws that sometimes hinder me from having many friends and gaining other people’s trust. It maybe hard, pero since abnormal nga ako gaya ng madalas sinasabi ng kapatid ko, wala lang talaga akong paki-alam. I am not trying to justify kung bakit hindi ako mabait. Basta para sa akin, ako at ang iba pang mga tao ay parang matter na nasa liquid state. Yung iba ay pipiliing ilagay ang mga sarili nila sa isang lalagyan (path) na may definite shape (expectation ng iba/pagpapakabait) hanggang sa mapuno ang lalagyan. While there were others like me who would choose to be placed in a jar with no definte shape. Carry lang, after all, at one point, mapupuno ko din naman ang lalagyan ko.

Saludo ako sa mga taong magsasabing mabait talaga sila. Pero ako, pangangatawanan ko na hindi talaga ako mabait. Ginagawa ko lang kung saan ako magiging masaya. Sabi nga sa coke commercial (maihabol lang) “maiksi lang ang buhay kaya piliin mo yung magpapasaya sa’yo. “

Wednesday, December 21, 2011


Half the day is a total boredom here in the office as the christmas season starts to kick in. I can’t even bring myself to finish the PTR that I am doing for the day so I decided to just surf the net instead.

Hitting the keyboards, I searched on various topics on Google that includes earth’s night image, Philippines’ satellite image and so on. Then I came across Typhoon Sendong and the damages that it did in the southern part of the country.

Although the Philippines is oftenly hit by a typhoon, it is unusual for Mindanao to be directly hit by it. For when it comes to Mindanao, it seems that news on terrorists attacks, rebels and bomb explosions are the more common topics.

I am not saying that the people of Mindanao are mostly rebels or that the people in Northern Luzon is more deserving to receive the wrath of nature in terms of typhoons.

I am just saying that the news that has been on the radio, paper and tv is not usual and unexpected.

Maybe this is one of the reasons why despite the Public Storm warnings made by PAGASA and the local officials in Cagayan de Oro (as they claimed to have announced), the people just opted to fearlessly spend the stormy night in their humble homes. Maybe majority of them were thinking that the passing of Typhoon Sendong won’t hurt, and at worst won’t take the lives of many. It’s just a storm, maybe they thought. And it won’t be anything like how Ondoy did in Manila or how Typhoons Pedring and Quiel left the residents of the North (Bulacan, mainly) devastated.

Maybe none thought about the aftermath of the storm, until they found themselves drowning in the muddy flood that ravaged their homes…until they see their loved ones and neighbors perished one after the other as the storm passes them.

As of this moment, death had reached over 900 while thousand others were hurt. One of the many disturbing photos that had caught my attention is of a mourning mother carrying his lifeless child who is covered with mud. From the look of it, the mother seems to cling on the littlest of hopes that she could have while holding the child, as if his life can be brought back by how much and how long she held him.

It’s really heartbreaking. And for someone like me who had not experienced to be in the middle of such a crisis, I can only imagine the horror and pain that each survivor is probably suffering from.

I can almost feel their pain…their losses. My heart feels heavy and my prayer goes to the victim of the flood. And although I have extended a little help to the victims thru cash donation, I still feel that I had not done enough..I still feel that no matter what I did to help, It won’t be able to compensate for the lives of the many that has been lost.

The event had somewhat caused the festive season to subside. While most of us, who were lucky enough not to be in the affected areas, were wrapping Christmas presents for our loved ones, the victims are maybe weeping and mourning while wrapping the remains of their loved ones in muddy blankets.

The tragedy is very untimely for Christmas… but then, as we were often told, Christmas is a time for sharing and loving. And in as many times as my heart was broken by the photos portraying the many losses of my countrymen, it was also being revived for a thousand time seeing the efforts of everyone who are willing to extend help to the unfortunate victims.

I am overwhelmed by the various posts in social networking sites that were calling for more help…More groups that were also being organized to be able to generate more help (both in cash and in kind). There were soldiers who cancelled their Christmas party celebration just to offer help to the victims.OFWs who were asking for ways on how to donate their foreign earnings to the bereaved families. Celebrities, politicians and volunteers who, for once (I am hoping) took time to really care and give hope to the hopeless.

This is surely one painful Christmas that we, especially those whose loved-ones died, will never forget…and apart from the grief and pain this Christmas curved in our history, may we not forget the lessons that many of us learned from it. Let us put our trust to the Creator and may He guide us on our way to cope up from this trial.

Monday, November 21, 2011


Habang binabasa ko kanina ang mga wall posts sa fb account mula sa mga kaibigan at kakilala mo...lalo na yung posts ni te lorie at ng mga kapatid mo... unti-unti ko din naalala yung mga panahon na nakita kita, nakausap, nakatext, at nakachat. Hindi ko na nga maalala kung saan o kailan yung huli…. Kung kasama mo ba noon si ate lorie o hindi. Basta ang paulit-ulit lang na naaalala ko ay ikaw, suot ang paborito mong green na polo shirt, maong na pantalon at leather shoes. May dala kang kulay itim na mahabang payong. Nakangiti (na di ko alam kung nang-aasar o sadyang ganon ka lang talagang ngumiti).

Noon, tuwing nagkikita tayo, (siguro dahil sa hindi rin naman talaga tayo sobrang close at sadyang pala-bati ka lang kaya) automatic na kinukumusta mo din sa akin si Tan-tan. Para lang din may mapag-usapan siguro. Hindi din tayo kailanman naging sobrang close, pero isa ka sa mga tao na kahit minsanan ko lang makausap sa text o chat, eh isa din sa naglalaan talaga ng panahon para makinig (kahit siguro napipilitan lang), magpayo, o kung di naman kaya ay mang-asar. Sa lahat ng mga bilang at piling mga panahon na iyon, madami-dami na din ang mga compliments mo at mga payo na hinding hindi ko makakalimutan.

Sa pagsusulat… Naalala ko nung aplikante pa lang ako at una kita makilala sa AEMS. Isa ka nun sa (mukang) pinaka approachable na residente sa tambayan. Nangungupal ka na at lahat pero nakangiti ka pa din. Lahat ng sinasabi mo, may laman. Yung tipo ng di ko malaman kung seryoso ka ba sa sinasabi mo o sadyang nang-aasar ka lang at sinusubok mo kung pag-iisipan ko ba ang mga pinagsasabi mo bago ko patulan na sagutin o gawin.

Naalala ko na pinagawa mo ako ng essay. Sabi mo ako na ang bahalang pumili ng topic. Kahit na tungkol saan..basta green at Garamond ang font..yung 10 lang ang font size, back to back, 10 pages. Hindi ko alam kung seryoso ka ba nun, pero malamang nang-uuto ka na lang din dahil ang lakas ng tawa mo nung pumayag ako. Pinag-isip mo akong mabuti kung kaya ko. Sabi mo, gusto mo may substance yung topic. Yung hindi nangbobola lang para lang maka comply ako sa requirement mo. Sa huli binawi mo din lahat ng requirements mo tungkol sa essay maliban sa green na font color.

Hell week yung panahon na yun. Kaya naman nag-print na lang ako ng speech na ginamit ko sa speech comm nung nakaraang sem. Confident pa ako nung una ng ibigay ko sa’yo yun kasi uno ang grade ko sa speech comm.. Pero malas ko na lang din dahil hindi ko pa alam nung mga panahon na yun na news editor ka pala sa Perspective. Kaya ayun. Dahil dun siguro, nalaman mo in a way na recycled yung essay na pinasa ko sa’yo (life and death ang topic ng speech/essay ko na’yon).

Nasa bamboo chairs tayo nun sa CEM. Pagkabigay ko sa’yo nung essay ko, binasa mo na din agad-agad. Bilang aplikante pa lang ako ng org noon at alam kong recycled work ang binigay ko sa’yo, sobra-sobra din ang kaba ko nun. Gustong-gusto ko ng umalis na lang nun para bahala na lang kung ano ang sasabihin mo sa susunod na activity sa org. Pero matapos mong basahin ang gawa ko, kahit na alam kong hindi ka satisfied, nakangiti ka pa din nang sabihin mo sa akin na marunong ako magsulat… may talent…kailangan lang ng practice..at mas maganda sana kung hindi basta-basta yung sinulat ko. Kung hindi parang nagamit na sa ibang bagay. Sabi mo, ayaw mo ng recycled na gawa. Sabi mo sa akin noon, mas maganda pa siguro ang ginawa ko kung bago ang topic. Kung ginawa ko ng sadya ng dahil sa requirements mo at ng hindi dahil sa ni-require na sa ibang bagay. Sabi mo huwag kong sayangin yung talent. Magsulat pa ako ng marami. Magpraktis. Magbasa. Alamin ng husto ang topic na isusulat. At wag na ulit mag-recycle ng essay. (Kuya, hindi ito recycled, promise!) Inalok mo din ako kung gusto kong sumali sa Perspective. Tumanggi ako. Hindi ko kasi kaya. Alam kong hindi ako ganun kahusay at kulang ang talent lang para magsulat dun.

Sa self-confidence…at social networking sites na din siguro…

Two years na akong nakakagraduate noon. Bago pa lang ako nauusuhan ng facebook at wala pa noong isang daan ang fb friends ko. Nakita kong may friend request ako galing sa’yo at may message pa na kasama…nangungumusta, nang-aasar at nagtatanong ng buhay-buhay at ng lovelife. Wala pa akong love life noon…tinanong mo kung bakit at nabanggit ko sa’yo ang ilan sa mga insecurities ko. Kung tutuusin, wala naman talagang bago sa lahat ng mga pinayo mo noon. Pareho lang din sa mga nabasa ko na sa mga libro at narinig ko na sa ibang tao. Siguro feeling ko ngayon, nagkaroon na lang din ng weight yung sinabi mo noon dahil nga sa biglaang pagkawala mo. Hindi ko marecall yung exact words mo pero sabi mo, may mga qualities din naman ako na maganda. Na hindi ko makita kasi nga, masyado kong iniisip yong mga bagay na ayaw ko sa sarili ko. Sabi mo, hindi ako dapat na nahihiya na makipag-kaibigan o makipagkilala sa iba. Hindi dapat natatakot na magsalita na baka mali ang mga sinasabi ko at baka mamis-interpret o hindi magustuhan ng iba. Sabi mo hindi ako dapat maging masyadong tahimik at mahiyain. Kailangan ko din mag-open up. Kinumusta mo din noon ang pagsulat ko, na sabi mo nga, pwede kong ituring na isa na ding magandang quality. Sabi ko sa’yo noon, hindi na ako nakakapagpractice. Tinanong mo kung may blogsite ako. Sabi ko wala… nakakatamad kasi magsulat. Doon mo ipinakilala sa akin ang twitter..sabi mo one liner blog lang yun. Pede na din subukan para kahit pano may practice pa din. Mga ilang buwan din siguro na ikaw lang ang pina-follow at follower ko sa twitter bago ako naging interested din na gamitin talaga yun. Nagsimula din akong sumubok ulit na gumawa noon ng blog account sa blogspot…na matagal din bago nagkaroon ng laman.

Ngayon, lumalabas na ako kasama ng mga bago kong kaibigan. Nakikipagkilala sa iba pa, mapa-facebook (now with 700 friends and counting), twitter (hanggang 75 followers lang ang kaya eh) o mga nakikilala at nakakasama sa mga field works at office. Minamahal ang sarili. Naniniwala na madaming kayang gawin. Hindi man ikaw ang direktang dahilan kung paano ako nagkaroon ng tiwala sa sarili, alam kong isa ka pa din sa naging daan kung bakit mas tumaas pa ang pagtingin ko sa mga sarili kong kakayahan at karakter.

Sa lovelife…

Parati mo akong kinukulit noon tungkol sa lovelife. Sabi mo masarap ma-inlove. Masarap magmahal. Masarap mahalin. Basta masarap, dapat subukan ko. Sabi mo wag ako magpaka-manang..huwag sayangin ang genes..Sabi ko takot ako masaktan at magtiwala. Ang sagot mo, dapat paminsan-minsan, magpaloko din ako at magpa-uto kung talagang gusto kong magmahal at mahalin. Sabi mo noon, pag nakita ko na at ramdam na ramdam kong yun na ang the one, dapat hindi ko na pakawalan pa ang tao na yun. Sabi mo dapat tularan kita. Sabi mo (goose bumps dahil parang nag-echo ang boses mo) laging alam ng puso kung saan at alin ang tama…kaya pag sinunod ang puso, malamang, hindi ako magkakamali. Katulad mo. Tinawanan lang kita nun. Nakokornihan kasi ako sa mga sinasabi mo. Naisip ko nun, in love ka nga kay ate lorie. Kung anu-anu na kasi ang mga sinasabi at pinapayo mo sa akin eh.

Hindi ko alam kung di lang ba ako aware na nasunod ko ang payo mo, o sinuwerte lang ba ako. Basta ang alam ko, after 24 years, may lovelife na ako. At willing ako magpaloko at magpauto sa kanya paminsan-minsan. As long as masaya ang puso ko, hindi ko din nakikita ang sarili kong pakakawalan ang lovelife ko ngayon.

Huling hirit…

Maliban sa mangilan-ngilan na palitan ng text (na noong January pa siguro ang huli dahil nagbatian lang tayo ng Happy New Year) at sa minsan na chat, pag comment at pag-like sa mga posts sa fb dahil busy ka, hindi na tayo nakapag-asaran ulit. Wala ng mga korni na lines at payo na minsan nirereplyan ko lang ng “yikes kuya john” kung saan “hehe or smiley” lang ang sagot mo tapos end of conversation na…

Ang huling time na nakausap kita, halos two weeks ago na. Dahil alam kong likas kang magaling na magsulat (dahil minsan ko na ding binisita ang site mo sa wordpress) at mahilig magbasa (dahil book review noon ang blog entry mo), isa ka sa mga naisip ko tanungin kung ano ang book na magandang basahin. Inumpisahan mo sa biro ang sagot mo, pero sa huli, nag-suggest ka din ng magandang basahin. Sabi mo nga, yung Batbat Hi Udan. Kakaiba ang title, akala ko noong una, joke mo lang ulit. Sabi mo book yun na sinulat ng college friend at kasama mo sa Perspective. Sabi mo sa Boston Café pwedeng makakuha ng copy. At elbi ang una kong naisip na lugar kung saan may Boston Café. Nakakatamad. Tinanong kita kung saan pa ako pwedeng bumili nung book na yun. Sabi mo pwede mo ako pahiramin..sabi mo sayang lang yung book kung nakatabi lang sa shelf…sabi mo di yun dapat nakatabi lang. Sabi mo dapat yun shine-share. Nagtanong pa ako kung paano ko makukuha kahit na obvious ang sagot. Malamang kailangan kita i-meet para makuha ko ang book. Pero gaya nga din ng sinabi ko, tinamad ako.

Hanggang last week, bago ka mawala, seryoso kuya, iniisip ko noon na kunin ulit ang number mo at ini-imagine ko na din na kinukuha ko sa’yo yung book. Pero sorry,kasi mas nanaig yung katamaran ko na pumunta ng elbi. Biglaan din kasi ako nagkaron ng travel at iniisip kong gusto ko na lang i-save ang energy ko nang weekend na ‘yon. Pero seryoso, totoo, gusto din kita makita at ng makapagkumustahan na din at makibalita tungkol sa’yo at kay te lorie, kahit sandali lang. Sabi ko na lang sa sarili ko, sa susunod na week na lang pagkagaling sa travel. Madami pa namang time… Next time na lang…

Hanggang noong Friday,sa airport, nagulat na lang ako sa wall post na nabasa ko. Wala ka na pala. Sabi ng brod at sis na natanong ko, cardiac arrest daw. Nalungkot ako. Sabi ko, promise, kinabukasan, pupuntahan na talaga kita. Tamang-tama, kasama kong uuwi sa Laguna ang lovelife na dinikta ng puso ko…ang lovelife na hindi ko papakawalan gaya ng sinabi at ginawa mo. Pero dahil na din sa sobrang pagod, hindi ko na naman natupad yung pangako ko. Kuya John sorry…drawing talaga ako :( Siguro,guilt din ang isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit isinusulat ko ngayon to. Pero kuya, alam ko na sa lugar kung nasan ka ngayon, alam kong alam mo how sorry I am. Ang dami kong excuse…hindi ko alam kung talagang tamad lang ba talaga ako o dahil din naduduwag ako..kasi sa lahat ng uri ng paglisan, yung death ang pinaka ayaw at kinatatakutan ko. Ayaw kong makakita ng mga taong nasasaktan..nalulungkot..nahihirapan..nangungulila..Kung sa fb posts mo pa lang, ganyan na sila, paano pa kaya sa personal? Pero kahit gano’n, kahit di tayo gaano close. Hindi man kita mapuntahan, kuya John, totoo, isa din ako sa mga nalulungkot na maaga kang nawala :(

Ayaw ko na magpromise. Pero pag nabili ko na at nagkaron na ako ng copy nung book na sinasabi mo, hanggang matapos ko yung book, ikaw malamang ang maaalala ko … Salamat sa minsanan pero may sense na mga payo at pang-aasar kuya. RIP. :)

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


Isang araw, habang nagbababad ako sa site ng Definitely Filipino, napansin ko na isa ang malikhaing pagsulat sa mga talento ng mga Pilipinong maaaring ipagmalaki sa mundo. Marami sa mga writers sa nabanggit na site ang katulad ko na amateur lamang at walang pormal na edukasyon sa larangan ng pagsulat. Yun bang tipo na isinusulat lamang kung ano ang napupuna sa araw-araw para may masabi at makapag pasikat lang (joke lang, eto naman di mabiro..kung makapag-comment wagas!). Pero in-fairness sa mga katulad namin (oo kasama talaga ako), aware man o hindi, madalas tsumatsamba din kami na makasapul ng sensible na topic kahit medyo balahura lang ang pagkakapost. Ngunit mas higit sa istilo ng pagsulat na nakalahad sa lahat ng posts sa site na iyon, ay umagaw ng atensiyon ko ay ang lawak ng mga iba’t ibang usapin na sinasaklaw ng mga sulatin. Mayroong mga nagpapa-cute lang sa mga topics nila, mayroong tungkol sa mga propesyon nila, may tungkol sa pag-ibig, relasyon sa mga magulang, para sa kaibigan at iba pang mga sulatin na bagamat may kababawan ay nakaka-alis din naman ng umay at may entertainment value din naming matatawag.

Kung merong tungkol sa kababawan, naglipana din ang mga posts na nakapagpapamulat ng kamalayan tungkol sa pulitika, pamumulitika, corruption, relihiyon, nasyonalismo, at iba pang mga bagay na sandaling makakapagpahinto ng mundo mo para sandaling magmuni-muni at pag-isipan ang ilang mga bagay-bagay na totoong nangyayari sa lahat ng Pilipinong nabubuhay sa iba’t ibang panig ng mundo.

Likas ngang may angking galling ang bawat Pilipino. Likas na may talinong angkin upang mapuna na may mga pagkakamaling nagaganap sa Pilipinas at sa mga Pilipinong nananahan dito. Likas na may angking talento upang ipahayag at ibukas ang isipan ng ilang libo pa na patuloy na nananahan sa karimlan. Likas na matapang upang walang pag-aalangan na isigaw at pasimulan ang kilos na mag-uudyok ng maraming pang pagbabago para sa pag-unlad ng sarili. Para sa pag-unlad ng bayan. Para sa pag-unlad ng bawat Pilipino. Para sa Pilipinas. (parang tibak lang).

Pero totoo,seryoso… naisip ko lang ito habang nagbabasa ng mga blogs sa site na nabanggit. Tunay na makapangyarihan ang bawat salitang binibitawan. Lalo na sa panahon ngayon kung saan isang click lang, pede ng maging viral ang isang usapin. At isa talagang malaking tool ang internet upang ipahayag ang mga noon ay tahimik na kuro-kuro at opinyon lamang, lalo na kung ang mga usapin ay may kinalaman sa bayan.

At sa panahon din ngayon, kapuna-punang kahit bahagya ay nababawasan ang kapal ng mukha ng mga corrupt na opisyales ng bayan, unless gusto nilang maging biktima ng cyber bullying, o bahain ng mga reklamo sa mga sarili nilang fb at twitter accounts. Lalo na kung ang lahat ay maaari na ngang magbigay ng opinyon o kumento sa halos lahat ng mga bagay na ginagawa nila. Halimbawa na lamang ay ang bagong labas na larawan ni dating Pangulong GMA na di umano ay isang katibayan daw ng kanyang pinagdadaanang malubhang karamdaman. Hindi pa natatapos ang isang buong araw, nagkalat na agad sa internet ang nasabing larawan kung saan nakasaad din ang mga kuro-kuro at opinyon ng mga mas nag-iisip nang mga noypi.. (Ms. former president, sino ngayon ang inuuto mo?)

Teka, bago ako maligaw sa may kahabaan na din na nasulat ko, ano nga ba ang gusto kong ipunto? Gusto ko lang sanang sabihin na mula noong panahon ni Jose Rizal hanggang sa makabagong panahon ng internet, iphone,ipad,ipod at ng kung anu-ano pang “I” na kaya mong isipin ay talagang hindi pa din matatawaran ang galling ng Pinoy sa pagsusulat. Mga akdang pumupukaw lamang sa atensyon at entertainment value, o akdang nakapagpapamulat ng kamalayan sa tunay na kalagayan ng bayan, o akdang nakapag-paalab ng masidhing damdamin tungo sa pagbabago..(teka lang nasabi ko na ata ito..paulit-ulit? Nasa office pa kasi, sorry naman, inuna muna ang requirements ng boss hehe..Nawala tuloy ang flow ng thoughts…)

Anyway, maging anong akda pa man yan, nais ko lang sabihin na sana, katulad ng mga Pilipinong nauna sa atin, ay hindi tayo basta makuntento na lamang sa pag-gawa ng mga makabagong Noli Me Tangere at El Filibusterismo. At sana ay hindi matapos ang bawat akda sa pagpukaw lamang ng kamalayan at pag-antig ng ating nasyonalismo. The pen (or in our case the keyboard or the internet) is mightier than the sword, oo pero di pa din sapat ang mga ito para magkaroon ng tunay na pagbabago. Sana (kahit ako) paminsan-minsan ay mahanap din ang tapang upang kahit minsan ay humanap ng paraan na pangunahan ang pagsasagawa ng mga pamamaraan at makabuluhang mga gawain na mas higit na makapagpapabuti at ikauunlad ng bayan (bitawan mo ang gulok mo, di na uso yan..kalimutan mo na din ang pagbunot ng baril, mahigpit na ang mga guards ng SM ngayon..di ka na makakalusot dun).

Ang sandatang timutukoy ko ay ang sundot ng kunsensya upang tayo mismo, sa mga sarili natin, ay amining natatamaan tayo paminsan-minsan at alam nating madalas, isa nga tayo sa nakakapagpalugmok ng Pilipinas. Samahan na din sana natin yan ng sandata ng tapang, sipag, tiyaga, tamang disiplina at malasakit sa kapwa Pilipino at sa Pilipinas upang matagpuan natin ang ating mga sariling inaako ang responsibilidad na paulit-ulit nating itinuturo sa kanya…

Siya na kuntento nang namamalimos sa kalsada ang dahilan.

Siya na walang pusong umaalipusta sa mga palaboy sa kalyeng dinadaanan ng minamaneho niyang magarang sasakyan habang pauwi sa mansiyon niya sa isang kilalang subdivision Siya na may pinag-aralan pero walang ginagawa para sa bayan. .

Siya na di nakapag-aral kaya walang magawang kahit na ano para sa bayan.

Siya na Pilipino pero nananahan sa ibang bansa at walang paki-alam sa Pilipinas.

Siya na inugatan na sa bansa pero tumandang wala pa ding paki-alam sa Pilipinas.

Siya na nahalal bilang isang Mayor, Gobernador, Senador, Kongresista at Presidente.

Siya na bumoto at naghalal sa isang Mayor, Gobernador, Senador, Kongresista at Presidente.

Siya na nanatili sa bahay noong nakaraang eleksyon at walang hinalal na sino man.

Siya na nagging Presidente noon ng Pilipinas. Siya na Presidente ngayon ng Pilipinas.

Siya, siya, siya.

Siya na sa pananaw ng magkakaibang tao ay Ikaw at Ako. Oo. Tayo na siyang madalas makapuna ng mga problema sa bansa ang Siya din na isa sa mga dahilan ng mga problemang ito. Kaya tayo din ang magtutulong-tulong para malutas ito.

Alam ko sa puntong ito, kinukwestyon mo na din marahil kung ano na ba ang (kahit na) maliit na bagay ang nagawa o maari kong gawin para sa bansa maliban sa (puro satsat lang na) artikulong ito.

Alam kong di mabigat na deed ito pero minsan ko pa lang nagvolunteer sa Gawad Kalinga…at gusto kong ulitin iyon. Gusto ko ding sumubok pa ng iba pang mga activities bukod dito.

Ikaw? Ano naman ang naitulong mo o maitutulong pa? Alam kong meron. Ibahagi mo naman ang mga plano mo sa comment portion na nakalaan para sa site na ito…upang kahit paano, mabasa nila. Upang kahit paano, malay mo, maging daan ito para nang sa ganun, magtulungan naman TAYO. ?