Few of the Many Funny (And Hateful) Things About My Previous Boss

Last night, I got the most unfortunate chance of chatting with my previous boss via a well known networking site. The conversations that we had made me come up with this idea of listing all the funny things about him that often times, I just want to roll on the floor laughing… LOL

• He came in late at the time of my final interview. Then he asked me repeatedly on things about my previous job, such as: the things I did, places I visited, people I talked with, the things that I learned from it, my views on the situation, etc. All the while, I know that he doesn’t even have the slightest idea on the topic since he just kept on asking, taking everything I said in, without even contesting or arguing about a single thought. Before he ended the interview, he even said, “Di na mga farmers ang kakausapin mo dito ha? Mga managers na. Kaya mo ba makipag-usap sa kanila?”

WTF! Ganun ba kabarok ang tingin nito sa akin? And for all I know, mas malinaw at higit
na mahusay pa ding kausap ang mga magsasaka kesa sa mga managers na katulad niya…
honestly man, how ignorant can he get?

• He assured me that I don’t have to worry about a place to dwell in while I’m working for the company, only to find out later that he’ll make me stay on a quarter that’s almost the size of our bathroom in Laguna. Ang yabang pa niya when he said, “Dito ka na mag-stay. Concrete na ‘yan (stressing the word ‘concrete’). The resident manager used to stay here”.

Yeah, seriously! Just because I came from the province, did he actually think that I live in a
nipa hut? And just because a resident manager used to occupy the space, did he expect me
to jump with excitement? I was far from excited... I was disappointed…doomed.. That’s
what I felt!

• When he handed me his laptop (actually the company’s laptop), he asked, “Alam mo ba iyan? Marunong ka bang gumamit niyan?” Did he really think that it was my first time to ever lay a hand on a laptop?

Duh! Baligtad ang pangalan ng ASUS sa cover ng laptop niya pag binuksan. Dun pa lang
alam nang surplus lang ang gamit niya. ASUS pare! Bakit hindi Apple, Compaq, Acer,
Lenovo, or Toshiba like the one that I currently own?

• I can still remember the time when he told me about the disk defragmenter and the effort he made trying to explain what it does to the files as if he was talking to an idiot.

My thoughts that time: Hindi niya talaga alam ang mga sinasabi niya hahaha.. kanda utal pa
pag- explain eh..over! Kelan kaya nausuhan ng computer to? Kung makapag explain ng disk
defragmenter I bet, kelan lang niya nalaman ang tungkol dito at gusto lang niya ipagyabang
ang bago niya natutunan..tsk, tsk! At malamang, sinasabi niya sa akin ang lahat ng ito dahil
akala na naman niya, wala akong alam sa sinasabi niya. Tsk! Sige na..pagbibigyan na
kita..magmamaang maangan na lang akong muli gaya ng dati… Just to feed your ego…

• He always speak about his achievements and boasts about how greatly he did at my age. While I, on the other hand is boreeeeed to just sit right there, pretending to listen to him as I allow my thoughts to wander somewhere, holding the urge to shout at him and say, “Will you shut up? Because I don’t give a damn on what you did when you were my age.”

Kung insecure siya at kailangan lang niya ng assurance para sa sarili niya na mas magaling
pa din siya sa akin, or sa mga taong nakapaligid sa kanya, di ko alam. Basta ang alam ko,
hobby niya ang magyabang! LOL

• He starts and ends every meeting with a prayer (the longer the prayer, the better...because he'll have more time to pretend he's holy as he sleeps). And every time the group meets, he never fails to let us know and reiterate to us that he is a changed man. That he used to be a sinner just like we are but then, he accepted Christ and he turned away from all of his sins then blah, blah, blah. He even told me once that he used to be a lover of a married woman.. That he used to cheat on his wife. But he changed… then he’ll end up persuading us to live the way he does.

Kaya pala I often caught his gaze following the legs and the cleavage of any woman who
happened to pass us by. And oftentimes, he’d left whatever it is that he’s saying hanging
until the woman disappears from his sight. Sometimes, I guess he envied the man
accompanying the girl too much that he ends up finding flaws on the man. He’ll say, “Hindi
sila bagay. Ang puti-puti at ang kinis ng babae tapos yung lalaki ang liit lang. Mas bagay
kami no?”

A changed man my ass! I know you’re feigning it. I know you’re only doing and saying those
because they left you with no choice. You need your job… you need to earn much money to
pay for everything… and if you stand for what you truly believe in, you might end up with an
empty stomach. No… you’re too coward for that and you can’t afford to take the risk and
compete with the numerous individuals who are starving for the same ambition and job
position that you want…for they might be more qualified than you are. Maybe that’s also the
reason why you always brag your achievements. So you can justify and make yourself believe
that you stayed because you have the skills… because you have what it takes.. Because
there’s no other man who can do the job…etc., etc. etc. Yeah, right… I can see it… you’re really
a changed man. Envy, lust, greed for money and occupation… that explains it all.. a changed
man…for the worst…


Ang lungkot isipin na kinakailangan mo pa ang presence ng ibang tao na sa tingin mo ay mas
mababa sa’yo para lang maramdaman na mahusay ka at matagumpay sa mga desisyon at
larangang napili mo. What a loser you are!

• He has this weird hobby of (unconsciously?) scratching something beneath the front of his pants (his balls?) Then the “pagkambyo” that he comfortably does even in front of our all-female research group. Sometimes I find his lack of ethics funny, but most of the times, I don’t. It’s really very distracting and disrespectful seeing your boss doing that in front of you. “Neng, ano na ang development ng research natin? (scratches his balls?) Ah, dapat ganito, ganyan, blah, blah,blah (tatyo,kakambyo bago pabukaka na uupo ulit).

Eh kung hinahagisan ko na lang kaya to ng eskoba para matigil na ang kamay nito sa
pagkakamot, ampotpot oo… tsk!

• I hate it when he arrived late… as in supppperrrr late. Like when I am already sleeping in my quarter at 10pm, then he’ll ask someone to wake me up because I have to meet him at the coffee shop. Then while I was discussing to him the outcome and development of the research project, I’ll hear him snore as he doze off.. kulang na lang tumulo na ang laway eh, lech! Then after an hour or two, he’ll hurriedly left and remind me that he should have the written report of this report and that report etc at 4 am that morning because he’s on travel and he’s going to take it with him. Damn! If he left at 2am, it means that I only have two hours left to finalize the written report. Then at 4am, dun pa lang ako matutulog para din gumising at around 7am para maprepare ko ang sarili ko for the next 8 (to God knows how long) hours of work!

He has no concept of rest, and worst, he doesn’t seem to care if others need it or not. Ewan
kung nagpapapogi lang or gusto lang niya masabihan na sobra siyang masipag kaya halos di
na siya nagpapahinga. I mean, he’s the boss. Wala naman ako talaga magagawa kung gusto
niyang mag overtime kami. Pero naman, common sense na lang (unless his common sense
is not so common). Pag tulog na sa quarter, di naman siguro kailangan pa manggising ng 10
pm para lang pag-usapan ng paulit-ulit at paikot-ikot ang topic (na kadalasan ay puno ng
mga pagyayabang niya bilang isang matagumpay na indibidwal) hanggang 3am. MAHIRAP
MAKIPAG USAP SA TAONG MAS WALANG TULOG COMPARED SA AKIN AT
NAGLALAKBAY NA ANG DIWA. YUNG TIPO NG TAONG DI MO ALAM KUNG
GISING BA OR NAGKAKARON NA NG MICRO NAPS PAG SINABI NIYANG
“NAKAUSAP KO SI GOD KANINA SA CR EH!” parang adik lang di ba?

• After hours of deliveration, consultation, and reporting that starts from 6 pm, and sometimes goes on and on until 12mn or 3am (to think na puro babae sa group at malayo ang inuuwian ng 2 naming kasama) he’ll adjourned the meeting by quoting from his favorite lines. On which, during one of our consultations, he admitted that those are the harsh things that the owner of the company often told him. It includes the following:

“ Para kang bato. Wala akong mapiga sa’yo. You should be like a sponge.”

(kailangan ba na may idea na mapiga kasi hobby niya to make OUR ideas his own pag sinabi
na niya sa board meeting? Ano ba naman yung bigyan nya ng credit ang research team at
sabihin na “Naisip ng team namin” since sa amin naman talaga nanggaling ang thought kesa
sabihin niya na “Naisip ko” ?)

“ Dapat para kang eagle. I want you to soar like an eagle. Dapat broad ang nasasagap ng
mind mo”

(Sorry.. di po ako atenista.. Fighting Maroon po ako.. LOL..at siguro mapa Atenista or Upian
man, wala siguro papayag na ipanakaw ang mga ideas nila).

Duh… Ilang oras na mag-uusap tapos yan lang ang sasabihin? Unless wala na talaga
pumapasok sa kukote nya, wala na talaga siya mapipiga. LOL Or maybe he’s the laughing
stock sa board that he’s tryng to make me feel the way he felt when the company owner
looked down at him and told him those things? Sorry, confident ako. I know I have given
him enough insights and ideas. If he can’t find it useful, it’s not my problem anymore. LOL

• This is gonna be the last thing on my list since this is when he really made the whole research team laugh, and at the same time felt sorry for him. He was in his usual “nagyayabang na state” when we informed him that we all want to resign. We can really see how his mixed emotions registered across his face. First there’s shock and his face loses its color. Then for a few minutes, he can’t talk. I know that he’s trying to regain his composure to get back on his “may yabang na image”. He looked so funny then that we even thought he was about to cry. We’re going to leave him without even warning him earlier. He has no other research team. There are still a couple of research projects lined up to him. How can he able to do it on his own? Then I guess after giving it some thoughts, he said “all right. If that’s what you really want. Pero mahirap maghanap ng work ngayon ah. May malilipatan na ba kayo?”

Aw! Sweet… but hey, come on! We know you don’t really care about us. The only thing
that you cared so much about is the research status. You’re only scared to lose your job
and you don’t want to lose the company owner’s trust. Because even within the company,
your position is at stake because of the presence of colleagues who can do a lot better than
you possibly can.

He looks so worried and vulnerable that night. His face was so transparent that his
emotions can really be read easily. We felt sorry, yeah. But at the same time, we had a
good laugh about it too. I’m not saying that it is proper to feel the way we felt, but it felt so
much better than the couple of times we spent like going home earlier than we should
during field works and hanging out somewhere to let the time pass (often times with Sir Jun
who treats us much better). It’s like being a senior and bullying a freshman (the character
suits him since parang lagi siyang nangangapa sa dilim sa lahat ng mga pinag gagagawa niya).

Well it’s over now. Majority of us from the research team had moved on and had chosen
different career paths. Often times, I miss them and the nasty little gossips we shared
about our once abusive, insensitive, weird boss who always claim that he is blessed… much
better than we do… because he is a changed man and that because he is unlimited like God
whom he talks to and answers him each time he went to the comfort room..and that he can
do anything and can make anything happen because he started working as a full time
manager at the age of 18 when he was still in college taking up a course in blah blah blah

blah blah blah blah………