undecided

it's twenty minutes past eleven in the evening... i've spent the day doing basically nothing in the office today....just like what i did yesterday and the day before it..... my job is beginning to appear dull to me... and i definitely want to do something for a change..

i spent the rest of the afternoon searching for new possible jobs here and abroad, as i really like to quit my job now... but then, as i was looking on the list of available positions, i realized that almost everyone in almost everywhere is looking for hotel workers or medical people or engineers of many kinds and so on...

this particular job item caught my attention and made me remember how i used to really really like to take this course after finishing high school (along with theater arts, journalism and mass communications of course) ...

and now, i can't decide on whether to earn another degree in dentistry, or to just look for another job? first, the course seems to require a huge amount of money for that matter... and i am fully aware that right now, i do not have or i do not know where to get the right resources... my father is currently studying law, my mom is taking her Master's Degree, my youngest sister is only in second year college and our youngest is still in kindergarten, enrolled in a private school suited for his special condition...

second is that studying dentistry will take me four or five years before i can finally complete the course...by then i'll be thirty... the time that i would also probably want to start a family of my own...

third is that, upon searching for some basic information on the course, i came across the fact that maybe, there are these subjects that i won't be able to pass in just a single take... can i really afford to let myself fail and waste the money that i am going to use to enroll? and what if i won't be able to maintain good grades? where will i go after i finish the course? will i be able to pass the license exam and be a full pledged Dentist? will i ever be Dra. Ronai Aldmee V. Cambel in the future?

fourth, nani seems to be a bit hesitant about it...it is apparent that he also wants me to be happy and to be able to decide for myself, but taking into considerations his plans for the both of us, my dream seems to be unattainable...Now let me rephrase it...am i going to be a proud Dra. Ronai Aldmee C. Pangilinan someday?

uhm... still want to say a lot of things right now... but it is already getting late...and i should take a rest... maybe i'll just spend the whole day again tomorrow thinking about nothing but these thoughts... good luck to me..may God help me see which way to go...may Nani stay with me to whichever road i will follow :)