Metamorphosis

She was wearing a green shirt, jeans and sneakers, face drawn and focused on the screen of the desktop computer. I was hesitant to approach her at first, since she seems too young to be the person that I’m looking for. But then I thought maybe she’s a daughter of some employee, hanging around to spend an after school rest in her mom’s /dad’s table, so I approached her anyway.

“Excuse me miss… Nasaan si Ma’am Shirley?”

I chuckled when she almost jump from her seat as she turns around to face me. She looked really startled, alright but then she still gave me that warm smile that I guess, is so natural to her.

That was the first time I saw Sharleene in the same office where the both of us are working… (Err, in her case, I guess it should be the place where she used to work). That was also my first week at NAFC. And she was the first person of my “specie” that I came in contact with (since majority of the people working in NAFC at that time seem to come from a different era).

I won’t say that from then on, we’d been good friends and those stuffs, for that wasn’t the case for us. Ours was more of constantly crossing paths in the hallway or in the canteen, barely making a nod to acknowledge each other every time, for a couple of weeks.

I can’t clearly remember how the closeness really started. As I let my memories to drift back, it went to a stop in that particular night, when there’s only the three of us (Mark, Sha and I), on our first dinner together... as a group... as friends.

(By the way, Mark was hired a month after I did. And he has been my constant lunch mate since, before we met Sharleene).

Then everything else followed. We started to frequently hang out together during lunch break, talking about funny things that had happened that morning or imagining funny thoughts on our bosses. Sometimes imitating our other officemates, most of the times just bullying and making fun of each other.

At noon, after office hours, Mark and I will wait for her (for she always come to work almost an hour late), before the three of us walk on our way home.

They were also the first group of friends that I have brought home... the first group of friends that I went out with and can honestly say that in every moment that had gone by, I felt like I belong... I am wanted... I am as important as they are to me...

Later, our group were joined by Mike. It was also the first time that I have experienced to go out of town (Matabungkay, Batangas) and spend an over night to someone else’s home, without thinking that someone in the group might not want me to be there. It was the first time that I enjoyed the company of others without worrying so much on what they are thinking about me.

A few months later, we met Joy, Joan and ate Ja... that had made each day in the office even more fun and animated.

Until going to work everyday began to remind me of my school days... when I am more excited to see my friend than to learn...only that now, I am looking forward to meeting ‘my group of friends’ and hang out with them during breaks.

It’s been only a few months since I first met each of them. But so far, this group is really the best I ever had. And I treasure each one of them a lot... feeling grateful that I was given a chance to get to know them better... spend the most of my time with them and learning new things with them...

It’s not like I don’t value the friends that I had from the past and those that I still keep until now. It’s just that I had never set myself as free as I do now. It’s just that I am only starting to open myself up to a group of friends... to a bigger crowd...all at once...simultaneously... and not picking just one from the group fearing to come face to face with rejection if I tried to get close with the others.

Because of them, my thoughts are becoming freer and confident to be spoken...my voice is slowly being heard and given importance... my presence is slowly being felt... my world is suddenly shifting from a dream to reality... and I am learning to love more of myself each day... learning to trust my own thoughts and beginning to have confidence and faith that my friends are there to listen.

We may part ways I know... as Sha had already chosen a career path for her. And the others may follow too. But I will forever be thankful for having them.... And I will never forget and will forever trust that the friendship, the unseen bond is always there to tie us together.

When time had passed us by, and I am sitting on my rocking chair, I will surely think of the times when we hang out together...the movies that we’ve seen together, the places that we’ve been to, all the breakfast, lunch and dinner that we shared... Mike’s green jokes that sometimes were too irritating, Mark’s hirit that can sometimes get too corny, Joy’s eyes that shrink every time she laugh, Joan’s unlimited stories of her experiences with “boat” , and the loudness of Sha’s voice everytime she gets too excited to share her story.

It’s true... they made me come out of my cocoon... come out of my shell... they let me change...for the better...

I am undergoing a metamorphosis... although at times, I admit that I still want to go out and spend some time alone... Although at times, I still keep my thoughts to myself...still holds that small voice trapped in my throat and still let my thoughts drift back to dream world from time to time...

Some things prior to meeting them may be harsh and painful for me. They may not know every pain, but having them is more than enough to let it go and move on... I have a better future ahead of me...

I love who i’d become because of them.... and I am now less afraid to commit mistakes... I am real... this is me... I have changed...and still changing...