AN ESSAY I WROTE FOR MY COUSIN'S ACAD REQUIREMENT

December 17, 1992

 
 

What's happening? I thought to myself as I woke up to the sound of contracting walls around me. Why is everything moving? And what is the force that is squeezing around me… and where is it going to lead me? Then a woman's trembling voice almost made me jump! I was shocked! I'd been hearing voices from the time that I have laid my eyes on this darkness… but those were indistinct… almost a noise to my even more sensitive ears. But this one's different! Because I can actually understand the conversation!

 
 

"It's only four o' clock in the morning… but this is really getting painful," the woman said. There was a mix of excitement and fear in her voice. And I don't know why I seem to share the feeling she is having that moment – the pain, the fear, the excitement.

 
 

"Maybe we should go and see my doctor," the woman said as the movement keeps along. "I'll go and take a shower, while you bring out our belongings kept in a small bag inside the cabinet. It was all prepared," she continued.

 
 

My whole world is moving… and the woman's voice is moving with me along with a man's voice who was repeatedly saying "Careful, careful, and careful…"

 
 

The man's voice started to move away as I hear the familiar splashing sound outside. Around me, the contracting and squeezing force is still going on. I am not moving anywhere but I felt like something is pushing me. I felt so scared that my instinct told me to curl my body a bit more and try to hug and reach for my knees. The pain resulting to the contraction still remains, but another sensation came over me. A slow brushing stroke around my 'home' caught my attention. And it lessens the pain and fear that I am feeling. It was very relaxing that I want to just cling to it.

 
 

Then I felt moving again with the woman. We stop every once in a while before moving again. The man is with us too. And I can't explain why I feel his care for me too.

 
 

All along, I have been hearing different sounds. And I don't know how I come to know where those sounds came from! A car horning, different voices speaking, a motorcycle running… and a whole lot more.

 
 

When everything became a little quiet I heard a voice of another woman as the woman with me complains of the pain we both feel at the moment. Maybe she is her doctor… I said to myself.

 
 

"You are not going to deliver the baby yet. All you need is a whole day of rest and you can even go home after this," a soft spoken doctor said.

 
 

Did I hear the doctor right? The woman I am with is going to deliver her baby soon? I don't know what it means but I felt really excited upon hearing the news. We kept moving again and I heard the car horns, people talking and children chatting and laughing. The woman stopped moving. And I heard the man and other familiar voices circled around her telling her to lie on the bed.

 
 

Everything became quiet again and it made me feel so sad. I don't know how long I had been alone in the darkness of my 'home'. I am already missing the different sounds I heard a while ago. I don't know how long I was thinking as the doctor's voice resounds in my head, "You are not going to deliver your baby yet."

 
 

What does that mean? What is a baby? Why do I feel excited every time I think about that? Then I thought of the contraction that woke me up a while ago. The squeezing feeling … the pain that I was sharing with the woman outside… could it mean that…?

 
 

I was stunned! Am I the baby they were expecting? I don't know but I can't think of anything than seeing how the woman and the man outside look like. Then the sounds of the busy street, the laughter of the different happy voices kept playing on my mind. I can't wait to see them all. I want to make sure I wasn't dreaming… when I don't even know what dream is all about.

 
 

Then, the next thing I knew, I am again beginning to move around. I was all happy and excited at first until the familiar contracting sound around my 'home' resurfaced… then the pain… and it seems inevitable at this time.

 
 

Outside, I felt panic started to build up they said they can no longer bring the woman to the hospital. They asked someone to just go and get a midwife living nearby. I can still hear their voices but the pain is too much that I can no longer understand any of it.

 
 

Then moments later, I heard the woman was screaming and it made me want to scream too but no voice came out of me. I feel like I am swirling around with the current. The experience was so frightening that it almost made me want to forget the excitement I felt a while ago. I thought I couldn't breathe and I just want to stay in the 'home' I had known since I woke up a long time ago. I felt a force striking my 'home' and it was pushing me through a tight hole that I thought I could break my bones.

 
 

What is going to happen to me? Where am I going? Is it really a happy world outside? Do I really have to experience this? Is there anyone who could help me stop this pain? I can't breathe… and I am now slipping through the hole. I can't resist the force that is now pulling me. Let me go!

 
 

I was at lost for a moment before I was welcomed by the light that had most blinded me. The pain from the whole thing was really unbearable that a loud scream finally came out my mouth… and I cried! Just when I felt the cold wind touched my delicate skin, someone wrapped a cloth around me.

 
 

Everyone was cheering! I wasn't able to see their faces clearly but I could hear from their voices that they are happy for having me.

 
 

"It is already four-twenty in the afternoon," someone said.

 
 

Since everyone around me was happy, I though everything was already okay. But when just when I started to relax, someone cut my umbilical cord not minding how excruciating it could be for me.

 
 

I winced and cried again as felt someone carry me in her arms. It was the woman. I know her soft smell. She is my mama. I felt a familiar touch… it was similar to the gentle brushing stroke I felt when I was still in her womb… in my old home. It was her! It was really her… and I felt home and secured in her arms… and I forgot about the frightening experience, the pain, and the struggle I had encountered.

 
 

"What would be your baby's name?" I heard someone ask. Thinking I could speak I murmured, "What would be my name, Mama, Papa?" But all they heard was a soft gentle whimper.

 
 

"It would be ARITHIA VIANCA," my tita answered.

 
 

And from there, I have learned that since I was their first child, my name was a combination of my parents' names – ARIEL VIOLANTA and CYNTHIA CANASA.

 
 

And the rest, as they say, is history.